Whats IN IT…Mr. Wonka…Violet, put DOWN that guitar Violet!!

::panting::…so…this is the latest entry in the ongoing series presented by TWYL….::huff::…this episode…::gasp::….is centered upon America’s….sweetheart…’fuck’…..::huff..gasp::….Taylor…Swift..so….without..::stumble::…’FUCK’…ado…TWYL presents…What’s in it…Mr. …Wonka…::game over man….GAME FUCKING OVER::…Taylor..Swift edition…::muffled screaming::…

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Step one. Take every literal translation of every Sting lyric ever written. That’s right. Every step you take. Every move you make. Every fucking time you didn’t text this vagina sporting triffid back fast enough, she will be watching you. Why? Because…::Errr..Ahhh..::..She’ll be buying property close enough to. (Thank you Kennedy kid, and by the by, take a lesson from uncle Ted, Sheeeeee will never ever, ever, get out of a car plunged into a dark lake alive).

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Next, you take..

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“Don’t even fucking think about it blog boy…….”

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Right. My bad Jackie.

Anyway, next,
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….What the…sorry folks…technical difficulties..

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So, as I was saying, after you’ve had a healthy dose of cutesy face rape, then, you ironically add a heaping, putrid dose of,

(Editors note: If this gets your panties in a bunch, you are not a complete woman, and you should be ashamed of yourself)

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That’s right folks. It’s, ┬áJohn “I got an Oscar Mayer and I ain’t afraid to use it…a lot…you dirty whores..::cue romantic warble::”. ┬áSure, he’s got almost a decade of frogger-like vag-jumping on her, but our little wholesome belle seems to be doing everything in her power to let the world know she’ll ‘swiftly’, surpass the source of her biggest heartbreak (competition), in terms of genital dominance.

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So then, after you’ve written your next formulaic love song..

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…I’m sorry, I keep getting these hiccups in my entry, well, whatever…anyway..

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Alright people, this isn’t going to get any better, so hold your collective noses and toss in two VERY light spoonfuls of,

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If you can honestly argue that one of these two cockmunchers is ‘more talented’ than the other, than that means two things. One, regardless of your musical skill, you have zero concept of musicality and function, and you joyfully partake in your favorite past time much like a pretty little stupid canary, with negligible variation and not a shred of aesthetic understanding. And two isn’t worth considering.
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Look at that cute little middle finger. Awwww. …Alright, focus people!! That lovely little digit is the crux of every Swift hit song so far. No…no!…I don’t mean that lil Beibs made our face…um….sucking siren write all these thinly veiled love induced hemorrhoid ballads with his chubby love glove, I mean that even the nice sounding, “I’ll live somewhere happy!!!…with someone!!…forEVER!!…that isn’t YOU!!! MOTHERFUCKER THAT I WANT TO STAB!!!”…songs, are just that. A more subtle fuck you to someone, as opposed to say, a “Dear John”..

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“I was so hurt…::mmmrfhrrhmm::…I couldn’t believe that…::MRFSHHSMmmshmm::”

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Look John, at least have the courtesy to finish sucking off that massive black penis before you give us a quote.

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Finally, the most important, crucial ingredient one must possess before being able to make your very own Taylor Swift..

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“Now Imma letchu finish….but John Mayer got a mouth like a twenty dollar whore…”

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…Oh…ohmygah…okay..

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..Um….. And..there you have it..??

Live it, Love it, (Kill it with fire!!!)

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~T

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