Monthly Archives: January 2012

Inner Child

Please mister won’t you spare a moment?
I have nothing left to give,
Please mister won’t you give a minute,
Time is money left to live,
Find me a hole that I can crawl in,
Doesn’t have to be so big,
Let me know when the light goes down,
Make my blindness go away,
Let me know when darkness rules all,
Finally have a home to stay.
So alone in this small world,
Shrinking slowly onto me,
One by one, the small lights leave me,
Darkness stays a friend to me,
One, my things that once defined me,
Two, my seeds I hold so dear,
Three, my oath that held me tightly,
Four, my mate who fled in fear,
Five, my dreams that fed me visions,
Six, my love that strangled me,
Seven, my breath that clamps my throat shut,
Eight, my lungs now failing me,
Nine, my health and life in shambles,
Ten, my will abandons me.
Lesson learned, easy to see,
Count your blessings,
Leave me be.

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Please mister won’t you spare a moment?

I have nothing left to give,

Please mister won’t you give a minute,

Time is money left to live,

Find me a hole that I can crawl in,

Doesn’t have to be so big,

Let me know when the light goes down,

Make my blindness go away,

Let me know when darkness rules,

Finally have a home to stay.

So alone in this small world,

Shrinking slowly onto me,

One by one, the small lights leave me,

Darkness stays a friend to me,

One, my things that once defined me,

Two, my seeds I hold so dear,

Three, my oath that held me tightly,

Four, my mate who fled in fear,

Five, my dreams that fed me visions,

Six, my love that strangled me,

Seven, my breath that clamps my throat shut,

Eight, my lungs now failing me,

Nine, my health and life in shambles,

Ten, my will abandons me.

Lesson learned, easy to see,

Count your blessings,

Leave me be.

What’s IN IT Mr. Wonka??….eyyy..yo Wonka…relax bro…seriously..

No redeeming virtue. No discernible class or breeding. Not even semi-legitimate Hollywood pedigree.

As if the lack of those were not bad enough, there is not even a video record of graphic sexual activity for the public to froth over. Yet somehow, the pint-sized, adobe smurf we have come to know as ‘Snooki’, has managed to become a celebrity.  Highly paid, and widely recognized, this gum snapping, squirrel cheeked model of slightly below average, is a perfect example of ‘good’.

That meaning, there is no ‘good’. ‘Good’, is relative to what you value, because ‘Snooki’, is ‘good’ at being an obnoxious, dis-colored, caricature for all the things that will doom civilization as we know it. And that to me, is no ‘good’ at all. But I digress. Perhaps there is something to be learned here, maybe, by knowing what makes a ‘Snooki’, we can know ourselves a little better.

So with that in mind, I present, What’s IN IT Mr. Wonka…Snooki edition.

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First, toss in 3/4 of a cup of colorful fruity Pebbles.

Look, flat out. Pebbles was a little cunt. Outside of Bugs Bunny pretending to be a baby in order to not get popped, there was no bigger swaddled annoyance than this monstrous infant Lucille Ball. And just like Pebbles, our dear Snooki has had way too much milk for her own good. By ‘milk’, I mean attention of course. We Americans love visceral idiots, because our ‘user friendly’ technology has made it possible for so many to avoid meaningful interaction, regardless of their intellectual level. So therefore, the baseline of ‘stupid’ has shifted dramatically. ‘Bam Bam’ indeed.

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Next, dice several thousand carrots, and mix them with some hops and barley.

Well, now that isn’t very clever is it? No, it isn’t. And it isn’t meant to be. Take your fucking carrots, mix them with the hops and barley, and hope that shit ferments long enough so you can stomach the inevitable moment when you see this walking testament to primal function, and realize, this is me. ME. I am human, SHE is human, and as much as I’d like to believe otherwise, this is true, and it makes me sad on a cosmic level.

Or if you wish to simplify matters, the bitch is orange. What the fuck.

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Finally, you take a face full of Ms. Swan. Frankly, Bobby Lee isn’t funny. Neither is the Ms. Swan character from MADtv. However, dip the fucker in peach cobbler with the sketch get-up on, and Staten Island would register seismic activity from the stampede of shiny, impeccably groomed, marble mouthed males who would happily smash their thick skulls together aggressively in order to be noticed, and hopefully mated with.

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beat thoroughly in a familiar, transparent bowl for several years. bake with a cauterizing rod near your frontal lobe at the highest heat setting, and voila!!…we ALL have a ‘Snooki’!!

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Live it, Love it. (but…god…why…)

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~T