Monthly Archives: August 2011

Cursor

I wish I were a Commodore, 64,
I would say hello, 8, 1,
Is it me, you’re looking for?

I would look at your blue screen,
Loading, loading, loading,
Until I see, comma you, comma me.

The menu scrolls down, and it’s Pirates! I see,
a few hours of pixels and plunder I need,
a ship full of mutinous scoundrels I feed,

….sigh…maybe I’ll find my caribbean queen…

but first, I’ll throw a fastball,
then maybe a screwball,
hit a homer with my blue team pitcher in hardball,

oh if I were fred savage, I think I could manage,
I’d find my own winnie..

but this time, it would be you,
not another pooh..

find me the master of love DnD,
and roll me a character better than me,
a higher charisma, and stamina to boot,
charm spells and potions and chests full of loot,

but I can’t save this game on a spare floppy,
I was given just this single copy.

This heart and this head make a perilous sum,
burning eyes in my mind leave nothing but one.

It’s so amazing here.

I think I said goodbye.
I did the right thing, and I knew it.
I let go of love forever late,
and made myself appreciate.

Imagine possibility,
not me, not me.

Lost my faith in meant to be,
Lives that thrive make no man worthy.

I laugh at your chemical bath,
Wishing all the while I took that same path.
A cynical chef feeds no one with hope,
Starvation appeals at the end of my rope.

I’m fighting to breathe when I wish not for breath,
I’m fighting to live when I wish only death,
I wish them to know that I’m doing my best,
My love for my sons is the only thing left.

But What’s IN IT Mr. Won-…::what the fu-::…now imma letchu finish..

The above says it all, doesn’t it? That’s right america, keep buying the music, keep going to the concerts, and keep allowing this jackass to earn a living by acting like a spoiled and impulsive six year old. What drives a man to go to such lengths to be the center of attention, at any cost? Well, my dear readers, today is, in fact, YOUR. LUCKY. DAY!! (kanye style).

Ladies and Gentlemen, TWYL presents, But What’s in it Mr. Wonka?? Kanye West edition.

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“I love you”…“No Kanye, I love you more”…“NO Kanye, I love YOU more”…“NO KANYE, I LOVE YOU THE MOST IN THE LAND AND YOU BUGGIN’ IF YOU DON’T BELEE DAT!!!!”

First, we start our mixture with a generous helping of Narcissus. Ah yes, the story of Narcissus. In short, pretty boy sees face in water, suddenly comes out of the closet, and damn that sailor in the water lookin’ mighty fine…::glug glug::…Oh, I know what you’re thinking dear reader, ‘ah ha, here’s the part where Tobas draws the comparison to Kanye, and assures us that just like Narcissus, Kanye is GOING DOWN!!!’…..sigh. Well my clever friends, you would only be half right with your foresight, about this half-pint (see what I did there?).

America LOVES Narcissus. America IS Narcissus. We may as well toss a crown on that big fat Kanye head, because our society is led by our celebrities, and Kanye West leads our celebrities…::scuffling::…(GIVE BACK THE KEYBOARD KANYE)…::more scuffling::

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Next, we add 3 seasons of Damon Wayans. Now this may come as a shock to some of the younger readers. Once upon a time, Damon Wayans was funny. No, no, no, not sitcom ‘funny’. I mean push the envelope, hurt peoples feelings funny. ACTUALLY funny. The bulk of this funny occurred from 1990-1994, when Damon was slapping white girls singing out of tune with socks and carrying a jar of piss on In Living Color.

The above photograph is of Damon playing Oswald Bates. Bates was a prisoner fond of using sophisticated vocabulary words, without having a clue as to how they should be used, to hilarious effect. But don’t take my word for it, see for yourself:

(nailed it)

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“That’s an awfully large picture Tobas”. Yes, it certainly is, but that’s the only way I can think of to accurately portray just how much douche goes into making a Kanye West. So, toss a large helping into the mix (a box of twenty should do), and stand back, because there aren’t enough feminine hygiene products on the planet to make this mixture fresh.

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Finally, you throw in some Kanye. “Wait..what?”..You heard me, to make a Kanye, you add some Kanye…::scuffle::…(Kanye, that doesn’t even make sense…GIVE BACK THE FUCKING KEYBOARD)…::grunt::…::more scuffling::

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And there you have it.

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Live it, Love i-JESUS WALKS AND WHY PEOPLE BE TRIPPIN CAUSE IM AN ARTIST AND PEOPLE DONT BE UNDERSTANDING ME AND THEY BE LIKE THAT KANYE A MONSTA AND SHIT SO I MADE EM A SONG ABOUT IT AND THEY BE BUGGIN OVER MY VIDE-

::smother::

Ah, the magic of chloroform.

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Live it, Love it (read a book)

~T