Monthly Archives: March 2011

But what’s IN IT, Mr. Wonka??…(Kesha edition)

Like many, I have watched the meteoric rise of pop star Kesha in wonderment. How could someone with the songwriting skills of Wesley Willis, and the vocal skills of a “real housewife” cast member have found such enormous success in the music industry? Personally, I believe what’s inside makes all the difference in the world.

So with that in mind, TWYL presents another installment of, But what’s IN IT, Mr. Wonka??

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First, you need a human female. preferably between the ages of 20-30 years old. No prior musical experience necessary, talent optional.

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Mix in several strips of clothing taken from a homeless fashionista fallen on hard times. Liberally apply glitter and face color, think Grace Jones…circa Studio 54.

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(for reference)

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Last but not least, add a large spoonful of Deborah Harry’s ill advised attempt at rapping, mid-‘rapture’. Be sure to apply several layers of auto-tune, sprinkled with varied bits of vocal distortion.

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….andddd VOILA!!! You have your very own Kesha.

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Just remember ladies and gentlemen, easy on the water…and don’t feed her after midnight!

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Live it, Love it, (save mr. futterman!)

~T

Enough Already.

I cannot count how many times I’ve been asked, “so why did it end?”, in regard to my marriage.

I can however, count the amount of times I’ve given a straight answer to that question. That would be zero.

I’ve allowed this “poor me” person to emerge from that wreckage. Not trying at first, but allowing, and then eventually encouraging this point of view to garner sympathy. Which in truth, is completely undeserved.

So let’s try this again, without the bullshit.

“so why did it end?”

Because I was a terrible husband. The end.

That’s really all there is to it. Frankly, no matter what else needed fixing, that was what was broken the most. Ultimately, that was what ended up breaking everything else as well. Nobody wants to be the ‘bad guy’. I know I didn’t, not then, and not since then either. So I’ve happily remained in denial, soaking up the pity where ever it could be found, and leaving a trail of hearts strewn about my self-absorbed path of destruction.

In truth, I had a much better wife than I deserved, and the faults I perceived were the ones I reflected.

There is no reason for me to say this, other than the fact that I cannot stomach myself anymore.

I don’t think I was always terrible, then or since, I have had my share of genuine moments. But not nearly as many as I should have. Yes I was young, but I knew better, and furthermore, time has demonstrated just how weak that line of reasoning is.

So there you have it.

Tobas writes your life, because he sure as hell can’t fucking write his.

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~T

Unplugged.

My WordPress is roughly 6 versions out of date. The quality of my social interaction is lessening by the day, and frankly, I’m depressed and frustrated.

I have made several attempts to,’turn this thing around’, to no avail.

Honestly, what’s the point of having sixteen billion friends, when you choose to be alone the vast majority of the time?

I know I will be asked, “okay, what happened?”

Nothing specific.

My overall dis-satisfaction. A text message. and my dad needing further testing on his prostate.

put everything together, and it equals “fuck this already”.

so, for the time being, I’ll be what I already am, minus the hoopla.

kanye out.