Monthly Archives: November 2009

Fux and Fox

So I was asked about Megan Fox the other night.  The gist of it was,

“you’re telling me you wouldn’t fuck her, yeah come on dude”

My response was, “No, I wouldn’t”


She is absurdly physically attractive.  However she is a perfect example of the proverbial ‘well worn suit’.  She’s got a killer suit, she just wears it all wrong.

Her poses in photographs, her body language in motion, it screams of crippling insecurity.  It says, ‘I’m hot, and I can have you, or you, or anyone….(I’m no good..please love me..I hate you, I hate me..etc, etc.)’

What do I mean by crippling?  I mean that she is an emotionally needy head case who will try to overpower every obstacle with raw sexuality, and when she smacks into one she can’t conquer with that, she will either try to destroy it or become dangerously obsessed with it.

Bitch got some issues, but that hasn’t stopped me from enjoying a tumble with hot, similarly damaged chicks in the past.  I can hear you now reader, ‘Ooook Tobas, you have to be THAT GUY…the, look at me going against the grain..I’m soooo unique!’

Why wouldn’t I fuck Megan Fox?

Because Megan Fox would be the one doing the fucking.  In her mind, I would just be some nobody having the best 45 seconds of his entire life (I’m not even going to try and pretend I would last more than a minute with someone who looks like that).

Most guys wouldn’t think of that, or care.  I find it impossible not to think about things like that.  Nobody is doing me a favor by sleeping with me, not even Megan Fox.

and now, a poem.


I would not fuck her in a box,

I would not fuck her in my socks,

I’d close my door and turn the locks,

I would NOT fuck that Megan Fox,


I would not fuck her in a bed,

Or in a house that’s painted red,

I would not fuck that Fox I said,

I’d rather pull my cock instead.


Cirque Du Stupid.

I would like to preface the rest of this piece with this.  I like President Obama.  Honestly.  Do I think it likely he is Carter + a lil extra melanin?  Sadly, I do, but I hope I am wrong.  However, his presence and ability as an orator are superb.  In other words, he talks the talk, and he talks it well.  Mr. President, should you ever stumble upon my dark little corner of the interwebs, please note: “If you try to please all the people all of the time, nothing gets done and everyone gets pissed”

I mean come on, how could you NOT like a president who defused a racial powder keg with beer?

Alright, so there’s that.  Now to the matter at hand.


I felt a cold sliver of fear the other day. I was sitting in a doctors office with a patient, and Fox News was loudly denouncing the decision to try terrorists in New York.  Although I find politics mostly repulsive and counter-productive, I tend to lean towards a liberal point of view most of the time.

Not liberal, as in, I agree with the predominant liberal point of view, more like, I think this and it seems to agree with the predominant, liberal point of view.

You can imagine then how surprising it was to be listening to laughably slanted reporters, making sense.

Enough is enough already.

I read an exchange between the Attorney General and a Republican senator, and quite frankly, the senator owned his ass.  Then I read the ridiculous proclamation about Bin Laden, and how he will be caught and face the death penalty.

This idea that these individuals should be tried as accused criminals, and given the rights of such is pure nonsense.  Furthermore, that they should be tried in New York, a place where they succeeded in pleasing their monstrous and bloodthirsty deity, is a long, warm piss all over the remains of the people who died there.  This will be a circus of epic proportions, and it will seen all over the world, because we are the media capital of the world.

The low dull roar we will all be hearing soon isn’t the 2012 tidal wave approaching.

It’s the sound of collective laughter, and the occasional shout out to Allah coming from the middle east.

A person may rob.  A person may murder.  A person may rape.  A person may sell drugs….etc

These things are all terrible in varying degrees, but there is a key difference between the above criminals, and the animals they propose to try here.

The things they did, helped do, and plotted to do were not motivated by gain, in a physical, or psychological sense.  Neither were these individuals mentally incompetent, or ill.  The people who do these things do them purely to please their invisible boogeyman, period.  EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM.  There is no exception to that rule.  Nor is there a means to ‘rehabilitate’ these folks.  Because their direction comes from their faith, and it’s leaders, and as we all know, it’s WRONG to judge a faith that enables cattle-like treatment of their women, and encourages swift and terrible violence for even the slightest thing seen as an affront to it…

Sure, maybe we’ll get some brownie points from the European community for this.  I hear the Swedes love us now, score!…

Enough is enough with them too.

Lets say the Russians got a hold of these fellas.  Anddd, lets just say they happened to help plan a truck bomb that leveled the Kremlin.  Hm, well, lets see.  First, they would be read their rights, um, then fingerprinted, mugshots….

Ooooh, right, right, this is Russia.  Those sons of bitches would be beaten in a gulag for about a month before being brutally killed somewhere nice and quiet where no one could see.  Why let their miserable deaths inspire anyone else?  But wait….wouldn’t there be an outcry, you know, about how torture is bad, and civil rights…and the world community would be soooo super pissed and stuff..

Nah.  It seems other developed nations outside of the European mainland have carte blanche when it comes to dealing with assholes.  We seem to be the only idiots who are willing to go as far as compromising our nations security in order to ensure the human rights of those who act inhuman.

Guantanamo was a mistake.

It’s actually quite nice down there, sunny days, tropic breezes.  We should be throwing these affronts to civilization in our very own American gulag, somewhere up in Alaska, where they should then be interrogated using EVERY means necessary.  And then we can cut them loose for a little while so Sarah Palin can take potshots at them from a chopper while they scatter on the unfamiliar snow.  Big laughs.

That cold sliver of fear was the realization that we have become a very self-conscious nation.

Stop, drop, and roll people.


So until China ultimately hands us our ass in every sense of the word,

Live it, Love it (Do something about it)


Asking for it.

What an awful thing it is, to know that you have loved more deeply than you were willing to accept, and then understand just how much, and how uncommon that is, so much after the fact.

I would like very much to be seen as, ‘good’, but I fear I may have done too much, ‘bad’.

I believe that in trying to understand people, I have acquired a sort of hubris, which renders my actions often incomprehensible, because they frequently do not yield the desired results until long after I have become a bad memory.

I mean well. 100 percent of the time.

However, my never-ending stream of thought very often leads so far off the path that I lose sight of where I was headed in the first place.

There is someone who I always think about, who despite logic, I know that I loved in the way a person is supposed to love, and I know that I will die unhappy because of it.

I am profoundly sad most of the time. few see it as often as I feel it.

I play it off. I play it all off, everything. even when it hurts so bad. it makes me seem cold and uncaring, but nothing could be further from the truth. if the saying ‘actions speak louder than words’ were applied to me, then one would need to observe me in private to really know what I mean.

I dream of being placed in a combative scenario, completely devoid of conscience or inhibition, where I am free to act upon every instinct that presents itself no matter what the probable effect.

I wish to die in a scenario as described above. It is not as if I plan to lose or die, but I would take my last breath satisfied knowing that I faced overwhelming odds and acquitted myself well before falling.

I truly would rather not be sad, and I make many small attempts throughout the course of any given day to lift my mood or create laughter. my wish is that those things could accumulate and carry over enough to keep me from being sad all over again the next day.

Who I am and who you think I am are often radically at odds. this is true of almost everyone being observed from an outside perspective, however, how much this varies is a solid indicator of how much is being lost in translation.

I love Lost in Translation, and it has nothing to do with the above observation.

I should be sleeping, but for some reason I invite suffering against my will. as far as I know.