Once upon a time, this time used to matter.
What time is it, and where are you,
And what are you doing,
At this time, that should be mine.
I would say that I never took it as serious as I should,
Or considered it as I could.
How unkind are these lonely times,
To think this hard of life on guard,
What was I protecting, but myself projecting,
I thought I gave everything.
More than myself was motivation,
So I left it all where it belonged,
Nothing to show to those who want it all,
Crawling and screaming and inching along,
Inside somewhere hidden it lingered,
Knowing even now that what was there is gone.
This monster I hide.
He who redeems my pride.
Make it count, reward me, raise your voice in cheer,
For that I will change, for that I am here.
To those who have taught in noble ways,
I am but a disgrace.
Later I will be sorry, with swollen parts throbbing,
But just now give me something to break,
Give me someone to break,
Let me hear that awful squeal, almost surreal.
I barely knew your name,
But for three hundred dollars,
A lifetime, lame.
I want you to know.
I am sorry.
I did not think at that time,
This guilt would be mine,
Allowed the monster to revel in fame,
But I know who is to blame.
Call me small,
Words that appall,
Insults formed of clever curses,
Said in form of clever verses,
Bills in stacks and weapon racks,
Prizes offered, seldom won,
Find a different outlet demon,
Sport of self is this day done.
What a terrible mistake.
To give it all away.
To give you all away.
All that is left behind is pain.
Which begets pain,
No real way to cope,
Or thought of hope,
So back I go.
I wont win them all,
Or lose them all,
But my senses will go dull one day in full,
So all I say, and all I do is just until,
I enjoy what I can, pretending to plan.
Time slips by like grains of sand,
Not long will I have to move like I can,
For very little would I ever pray,
But I ask any god, who would hear when I supplicate,
Please I beg,
Don’t ever let those precious boys turn out like me one day.
And those are the truest and saddest words I will choke on while I say.