Houston, we have a PROBLEM.

Today is the 40th anniversary of man-kind reaching the surface of the moon.  NASA released footage of the moon landing, but had to use copies and CBS archive video because the originals were copied over at some point in the 80’s.

Right, so they had some Australian company check out the footage they could compile and digitally re-master it.  Now everyone can just click and see nice and smoothed out moon-landing video.  NASA and the video company both agreed that had they still had the originals, they really could have done some amazing stuff.  But, sadly, the originals were copied over.

I mean, the footage looks great, nice and re-mastered.  Too bad those originals were…copied over?

THE ORIGINALS WERE COPIED OVER….!!??!

The most IMPORTANT event in human fucking HISTORY.

NO ONE kept track of the footage from the most IMPORTANT event in human fucking HISTORY.

They can pull out a big ol’ original reel showing JFK’s head reaching supernova, but the reel of the most IMPORTANT…

you get the picture.

Can we get something a little better than, “whoops!”, fellas?

“Um, here at NASA, we don’t believe in labeling things.  We also can’t afford to do something silly like buying new reels, or, switching to more modern and readily available formats!  Why of course we would continue using the same recording equipment from the 60’s in the 80’s!  Having state of the art equipment is like, for government funded agencies and stuff….oh….”

Guys?  Anything?  C’mon, give me something so I don’t have to start buying into conspiracy theories hatched by the same folk who believe in, “the hidden lizard people”!

Lucky for NASA, I took the time to investigate some old archives myself and unearthed actual footage of the original moon-landing reel being erased.  It’s top-secret of course, but I will transcribe the dialogue for my readers.  (Exclusive! booyaka!)

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NASA Headquarters.
Washington D.C.
1982.

.

(Two men in blue body-length outfits sit by a machine and a stack of what appears to be round metal canisters)

Man 1: Yo Bob, pass me the next Bumblebee.

Man 2 (Bob): Why the hell do you call these things Bumblebees anyway, it’s stupid, just say reel canister.

Man 1: It looks like a can of tuna fish, and I’m high as a muther-fucker, you got some ill sticky this week my man.

Bob: Hell yea, hey…shouldn’t we be reading these things before we toss them in the “copy over” bin?

Man 1: Well, yeahh man, we should also probably be watching the shit I’m playing on the wall over here too…

(Both men giggle for ten minutes, Man 1 eventually places another reel into the machine)

Bob: Whoa shit man, coooool, what does that tuna say on it?

(More giggling)

Man 1: Ummm, original moon landing footage, dunno man, the rest is kinda smudged, or something.

Bob: Lemme see.

(Bob peers closely at the canister)

Bob: OOOH, I gooot it man.  It says, original moon landing footage: donut? copy over.  Like, like, a donut, you know? It’s like a spare, so like, it’s cool, toss it in, jive turkey!

Man 1: Who you callin’ jive turkey?

(The men begin to playfully scuffle and eventually collapse giggling amidst a pile of strewn reel canisters.  Meanwhile, Neil Armstrong waves to them from the wall, and they both wave back, cheering wildly)

-TAPE END-

.

So there you have it.  Shortly after this information was unearthed, NASA formally instituted a pee test during the hiring process.  Consider the Mars rover footage safe and sound.

.

Live it, Love it (bullshit.)

~T

4 replies on “Houston, we have a PROBLEM.”

  1. Boone says:

    Dude, I’m drunk and I have more clarity of vision right now. are you serious? Without a doubt, the creation of fire has been the most important event in “HUMAN” history. Where was the video there? If you play the conspiracy card here, I’m leaving. And your bogus quotes make no sense. Let me ask you something. If you had billions of dollars of equipment to handle, and more important, human lives, would you jump to “the latest and greatest technology” just because some hack labeled it so? I would bet these folks at NASA value work ethic as much as any fireman or police officer. There are no second chances in this line of work. Man, I love you bro, but you are fucking retarded.

  2. Tobas says:

    Sigh. Mr. Scotch, does the term, “tongue in cheek” mean nothing to you?

    Even Newsday ran an article today on how ridiculous this is.

    Boone, some hack? lets see, expensive, bulky, 20 yr old reels, or….VHS tapes?

    Betamax even?

    Landing on the surface of another orbiting body in space is by far the most important human accomplishment, EVER.

    Fire was discovered, not created my friend.

    However, we, as a species created the means to get ourselves off this muddy rock, even just for a short while. To lose the original record of this is inexcusable.

    Your point about billions of dollars of equipment just serves to illustrate my point better. How much do labels and a workable filing system cost Sir?

    The only retarded thing here is the fact that more people aren’t asking for accountability. Remember, that original record belongs to you and I as well, as we, being taxpayers, are how they buy their billions in equipment.

    I would love to see that work ethic you speak of. Maybe someone could get to the bottom of this.

    To quote Richard Feynman:

    “It would appear that, for whatever purpose, be it for internal or external consumption, the management of NASA exaggerates the reliability of its product, to the point of fantasy.”

  3. Boone says:

    “Fire was discovered, not created my friend.” Ok, prove it.
    My last comment on this is, when Sony scientist make a Betamax that doesn’t eat tape, NASA scientist will care to preserve it. Otherwise their focus is on bigger things. Do you think there is a reason every time you watch the shuttle launch it always performs its same launch, rotation, and execution? It’s meticulously designed that way. The code that runs the sequence is perfect, scientific art.
    The video is only important to us, to NASA, perfecting a system of duplicating the event without the loss of lives is more important. Sorry if they lost the tapes, it just didn’t seem as important. Kudos for the Newsday reference, it was a LOL from my Republican ass.

  4. Tobas says:

    “It’s meticulously designed that way. The code that runs the sequence is perfect, scientific art.”

    Challenger.

    nuff said.

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