Total Recall.

Over the years, I have said it time and time again. Delicious irony finds me like ebola flies find africans. For the first time, I toss aside my pride, and pretty much everything else, for the sake of saving a relationship, and what happens?

C’mon, you’re a bright bunch, this shouldn’t be too tough.

You there, hag with the orange hair and spotted blouse, if you said, “watch her finger extend through my eyeball like that T-1000 in Terminator 2.” Then you are today’s grand prize winner! Here’s what you get.

You get NOTHING, YOU LOSE, good DAY sir.

How ’bout them apples?

Jesus said it best I think, “He who has never sinned may cast the first stone.” Probably the best line in that entire book.

So, instead of letting this destroy me, I have decided upon a more positive outlook.

“One womans trash, is another womans treasure.”

With that said, let it be known that I have no intention on being with any woman, in any way, for quite some time. There are several good reasons behind that. The first being that the amount, and severity of painful emotion involved here is simply unprecedented. No offense to anyone else that may read this that I have been with, but by a large margin, this one takes the cake. After that deluge, I have neither the strength nor the desire to turn off on that exit once again. The second, is that it is just not fair at all to anyone else to have to deal with this internal shitstorm. After all, if this has taught me anything, it’s that letting go of things is the only way to get on solid ground. And solid ground is the only thing that anything stable and lasting can be built on.

I strongly believe the large bulk of my negative aspects stem from the feeling of helplessness that results from not having ‘my shit together’. Hence, why I am moving at a steady and determined pace towards that end (See entries below). Aside from this insecurity and fear, I am smart, funny, talented, loyal, loving, affectionate, cute as a shiny button and I got a plump furry ass to boot. I’ll pause for a moment while you ladies wipe the drool…

In other words, the good stuff FAR outweighs the bad stuff. I realize how important it is for me to strengthen and maintain that mindset, ON MY OWN, however, I don’t have to try that hard, I know those things are true.

So, as I have been, I will continue updating on here, and I will continue to use my time as effectively as possible. I have not really given anyone who has made the choice to rebuff me (in any aspect of my life, not just relationships, and FYI, rebuffing in relationships has happened a total of twice), reason to regret this choice. This is something that will be changing, amongst all the other things.

This memorial day weekend, I will remember the veterans. Also, I will remember what I am worth.

Live it, Love it…period.

~Tobas

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