(Surprisingly, I was at least half right. Not that I ever followed any of my “good” advice, but from 6 on, is “good” advice. It is shocking to me that I had enough common sense to even make such practical statement. However, 1 through 5, emoooo blackness… “I am the martyr of looove!! Leave me, no, leave me, I will only bring your life more blackness, and more despair, my love, is pain beyond imagining…. what, no, don’t touch me there, no, no… oh, fuck yeah… use your mouth now..” ..giggity)



October 11th, 2005.

1. hedge your bets, all of your eggs in one basket almost always ends up with you getting egg on your face, and lots of it.

2. avoid using the word love, after years of societal pressure, the word has come to signify an almost mythical bond between a man and a woman, it has taken on such an aura, that expectations are sure to follow such a pronouncement, and as we all know, expectations are the road to attractional ruin.

3. if you should ever find yourself in the unenviable position of being the object of someones love, or worse yet, being in love yourself, be careful not to take a huge shit on them.  yes, I said that correctly, do your very best to extricate yourself (provided you truly care for this person of course) and rid them of the stink that you will inevitably bring onto them.

4. be definitive, in other words, if you know you shit alot, be sure to say so, otherwise you will certainly find yourself, and your poor partner/victim brown and smelly sooner than later.

5. cut off your nose to spite your face.  it sounds counterproductive, but in truth, if you feel your bowels churn, doing whatever it takes to extricate oneself is a must, even if it means earning the eternal ire of the other person, who may never learn what a favor you have done them.

6. learn your lesson. there are certain patterns of behavior that can be recognized by a few key words or actions that should indicate to one who has been put in a difficult position before, that they are about to face it again.

7. enjoy what you have, when you have it.  sulking today about tommorow serves no purpose in any aspect, least of all in these situations, ride the wave as far as it can take you into today, and if and when tommorow finally does come, try it again, if the surf dies down, find another beach.

8. wait for nothing.  the only circumstances of any concern should always be your own, should there be a problem with such, do not think to sacrifice a moment of your pleasure dealing with the concerns of others, down that road lies only misery and degradation of the soul.

9. save your guilt for fatty foods and church.  our degeneration and death are inevitable, it is no coincedence that we speak of rich, sweet foods as ‘guilty’ pleasures, as they are often the most satisfying.  do not think for a moment that should you have the fortune to go grey, that you will not spend every waking moment reflecting upon the things you might have done, and the people you would have experienced had you another chance.

10. when you lose, and you will lose, that person who you wish you had broken the rules for, be sure to drink heavily, and often, but not so much that you cannot find pleasure again, the alcohol may be the tall bridge, but sympathetic sex is most certainly the coital bungee cord that will keep you from being dashed across the rocks of despair, figuratively, and sometimes literally.

Thats really all I could come up with, hope that helps people.