“I dunno, if your snatch stinks, you fucking know it.”

And with that brilliant observation, a blog entry was born.

Let me start by saying. Ladies, I am sure there are many of you out there, who upon getting a bit too close to a mans unwashed crotch, tasted that breakfast burrito you had that morning all over again. Yes indeed, a mans swamp crotch is no laughing matter.

However, offensive odor in a females punaner is just about the worst thing a man will ever have to try and rid his flesh of.

I kid you not. It actually sticks to you, and lingers sometimes for days, depending on its initial strength. I remember, the very first time this phenomenon revealed itself to me. It actually came as a result of the very first time I put my finger in a girls happy place. I recalled that the other guys would often ask to smell the finger of the individual claiming to have invaded that sacred territory. So, being young and curious, I did exactly that. The keen, slightly sweaty, slightly fishy odor slammed into my fifteen year old nostrils with gale force. I paused mid-stride walking into my house, and just stared at my hand for a moment. I remember immediately recalling a scene from a porn I had watched at some house party a few months before (that was some house party, but that’s another story entirely). A man was giving a female oral sex for quite a long time (or so it seemed to me, little did I know how long a woman would actually want that done for in reality). I thought, my god, how could he stand that?

It is rather surprising that my ignorance of the fact that they did not ALL smell that way did not immediately turn me into a cross-dressing cock smoker (some would say that is exactly what it did…). I went to the bathroom, and squeezed as much soap as I could onto my hands, and scrubbed with all my might. Thinking my ordeal complete, I went about the task of making lunch. It took one bite of my BLT to realize there was nothing wrong with the mayo.

Fast forward to breakfast. There was nothing wrong with my apple turnover either.

Lunch. Cheese doodles.

You get the idea.

This went on for almost THREE days. Hand washing, steel wool, sandpaper. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING could rid me of that lingering dockside love.

This happened to me several times more throughout my life. And each time, I left it at one and done, no matter how offended the other party was. Was it better to say, “look here love, every time I put my hands in your fun hole I spend the next couple of days pulling up snappers, but I still got an empty icebox, catch my drift?” Perhaps. It was more honest, that much is for sure. However, I simply did not have the heart to relay this crucial piece of information and took my lumps, and sometimes, undeserved bad reputation. It is a definite “deal-breaker” in terms of any sort of physical relationship, or relationship at all. Everyone has a bad day here and there, but I’m talking about the chronic offenders.

A couple of years back, I was dating a girl. She was beautiful, sweet, etc. etc. However, she had a severe case of “stinky snitch”. I held on, believing this would correct itself in time. In less than a month, a case of viagra couldn’t get me going when she got frisky. That right there, was the end. Does that make me shallow? Sure. But, does that make my meals, nose picking, face scratching, etc. experience tolerable? Oh yes it does. I tried, I really did. Habitually, I would ‘caress’ her face with that hand during said activities, in hopes that her own effluvia would make her head snap up, and perhaps say, “sweet jesus, since when does the jersey turnpike run through my bedroom?” But nothing, she accepted her odor without complaint, leading me to believe that she was completely oblivious to it, and therefore beyond help.

I’m not going to debate whether or not females are self-aware of their odor. As far as I am concerned, it matters little. Girls, if you aren’t sure, give yourself a quick finger pap, and let your closest girlfriend take a whiff. Is that gross you think? Try putting that stink hole in your mouth sometime.

Together we can put an end to “stinky snitch”.

This has been a public service announcement from www.tobaswritesyourlife.com

Thank you for your time.

– Tobas

Live it, Love it, but keep that romance box fresh.