Open letter to the WWF.

Dear World Wildlife Foundation,

Let me start by saying that I am not a fan of professional wrestling. Not anymore. See, when I was a young lad, I would gaze starry eyed at such herculean individuals as Hulk Hogan, and Roddy Piper. Those were good times, filled with adventure and excitement. Eventually, as I grew older, I learned of the acting involved and grew dis-illusioned and jaded. But I found that I could still appreciate the steroid induced suggestions that I should eat my vitamins and say my prayers. Occasionally, I would utter an, “Oooooohhh yeahhh” much like Macho Man Savage to show my eagerness towards something I liked as well. Yes, that was all well and good.

Then one sad day, I discovered that there would have to be a name change. The World Wrestling Federation, was now to be called, World Wrestling Entertainment. Why? Well, apparently you tree-hugging sons of bitches weren’t content with just wasting time and precious resources to save idiotic creatures that natural selection would have done away with years ago, no, you needed to take my precious memories as well. See, ever since the name change, it just has not been the same.

But let us put that aside for a moment, and talk about what you do. As far as I can tell, you try and save creatures who may become extinct, usually due to such unnatural occurences as deforesting, or commercial development. Let us examine biology for a moment. We, as humans, are the products of many millenia of natural selection. So, I think it is safe to say then, that we are natural. So therefore, anything that we do, is natural. It is no fault of our own that we are able to modify and adapt living spaces to make them more habitable to our own kind. As far as responsibility is concerned, please note that like any other species, we are responsible to ensure that we survive, and thrive. To put us above these natural tendencies is hubris. So if certain other species become extinct along the way, then it was not their lot to continue, as it will not be our lot when something else comes along and usurps our unique position in the earths species hierarchy.

In the grand scheme of things, is it really any better to be making panda porn for a species too stupid to procreate and save itself, than to be snapping into a slim jim?

I don’t think so Sam Kittner.

Sincerely,

Tobas.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *