So Carrie Underwood wants to talk tough?

Fine.

I present for you dear reader,

.

Before She Cheats

.

Right now, she’s probably getting rubbed down by some hunk named carlos,
And she says he’s her “personal trainer”,
right now, she’s probably paying his rent, with your silver amex,

Right now, he’s probably right behind her, teaching her to squat thrust,

And she don’t know…

That I stuck little bits of broken drug needles in her pretty little tampons,
replaced her mascara with nair…
I got my Louisville slugger ready for her head,
poked holes in all her hidden condoms,

Maybe next time she’ll think before she cheats.

Right now

She’s probably telling him our relationship is rocky,
Right now, he’s probably saying “I’m so sorry”
and he knows he’ll get some pussy,
Right now, she’s probably somewhere private,
away from the others getting her freak on,

And she don’t know…

That put my ear right to the ground,
Heard the bullshit that’s going around,
Opens her mouth to tell me lies,
I must hear lame alibis,
Little does she know her powder case is full of lye,

Maybe next time she’ll think before she cheats,

I might’ve saved a little trouble for the next guy,
Cause the next time that she cheats….

She’llbeinpainandhorriblyinjured, and, Oh, you know it wont be on me!

Oh, not on me, oranyoneelse,

Cause I rubbed one out inside all her shampoo bottles,
Froze my poo inside her haagen daas fudge swirl,
I ran a live wire into her tub,
Filled her car with garbage sludge,

Maybe next time she’ll think before she cheats

Oh… maybe next time she’ll think before she cheats…

Oh…before she cheats….

butshewillbe
toohurtand
comatosepeople
can’thardlyget
outofbedmuch
lesscheatonyouanyway!

.

Eh hem.  So there you have it.

Look, don’t bother telling me how terrible this is and blah blah.  Have a sense of humor, will ya?

Thank you.

.

-John

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