Monthly Archives: April 2007

Ode to rest.

Fluff the pillows and spread the sheets,
Fold the covers nice and neat,
Crawl inside to feel your heat,
Next to you I fall asleep,

When I dream, it’s this I see,
Your face, quiet and peaceful,
Next to me,
Breathing easy,

Subtle sweat that I can feel,
Touch you, pinch you,
Is this even real?

Last night I prayed so silently,
Whispering so none can hear,
Hope that someones listening to me,
Hope it falls not on deaf ears,

Make this feeling last a while,
Make this night last all a life,

Let me have this night forever,
Let this lady be my wife,

Youth I know will play a factor,
Lots to learn, and more I’ve heard,
Over and over I’ve heard the same old song,
So I pray that it’s played wrong,

Grow with time, stronger still,
This love you hold and demonstrate,
I will never get my fill,
Want of you will never sate.

Majere.

I don’t know how many of you are D and D nerds out there, but I will proudly admit to knowing more about faerun than the average n00b.  With that said, my favorite character in all of the role playing universe was not a mighty warrior, or a heroic dark elf (ok, I’m a huge Drizzt groupie too), no, it was a sickly little wizard.  His name was Raistlin Majere.  Not only did he appeal to me because of his circumstances, but also because of the way he was forced to look at the world.

Like all wizards, he had to pass a rigorous test to attain the robes of his order, and subsequently, the power that came with them.  He was physically weak, and at some point in the test, he was overcome, and nearly died.  He did not die however, but he was left with a reminder of his near failure.

His eyes became shaped like hourglasses, and from then on, he could not see life like others could.  Everything he looked at became dead or decayed.  A young lady in the prime of her youth became old and wrinkled before his eyes, a flower fresh in bloom withered and died beneath his gaze.  He saw what was going to be, not what was.  He was forced to confront the inevitability of the death and decay that the rest of us have the luxury of being able to ignore while we revel in our very temporary coverings.

I felt such a kinship to this character, because the description of his sight is the only way I have ever seen described how I view everything.  I look at you, and I see the old man, or old woman you will become.  I see that bed of flowers, and I see the winter come and steal those colors away.  I see that happily married young couple, and I see the bitter divorce that will follow.  This was always me.  I wish I could use my recent life events to make excuses for such rampant pessimism, but I have always seen it that way.

My eyes are those hourglasses, and I see no cure.  Even my own children, I see them grow, and then grow old.  I will not even get into what happens when I stare into the mirror, but I am certain you can probably guess.

Welcome to my private little hell.

My Class.

Should the good doctor actually direct my class to this corner of cyberspace,

I bid thee welcome classmates, and invite you to browse the observation and angry rant section, as I have several articles written about my own experiences, and my take on the experiences of others.

Also, you click on the comments and see some online debating regarding marriage as well. 

Or, if you are feeling adventerous, you may even leave a comment yourself.

McFly.

I saw meet the robinsons last night.  It was better than I expected, and the time travel theme was a bonus.  I liked it so much, I’m going to stick to that.

Late one night as I lay awake, dreaming of the days gone by,

I traveled back there, to that place, once again to see your face,

Thinking of the ways it went, and all the ways it could have gone,

Makes me want to make a way, a path to catch that fateful day,

Turn around and take the picture, paint the glows in happy dark,

There you see she plainly hates you, That will always be true,

Stop myself from chasing gold,

Not white, not yellow, it’s the fools type,

Marry her, marry her,

Don’t believe the hype.

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Eh, I got lazy at the end, it happens.  More coming soon, blah blah blah.

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-Tobas

China.

It’s been a bit quiet here for a few days, but I’ll be updating soon enough.  I fully intended on going on a Imus rant, but I’m just flat out tired of it by now.

Besides, theres nothing I could say about it that anyone else hasn’t already said.

Political correctness is completely out of control. 

If anyone heard a wheezing rattle today, don’t worry too much.

That was just the dying breath of free speech in America.  Welcome to China everyone.  Well no, at least the chinese are up front about their censorship, here we use smokescreens like racism.

What a joke we are.

Lets just boycott entertainment all together.  But quick, before someone else gets their feelings hurt.  God forbid.

Live it, Love it, (but don’t call it names)

-Tobas

Happy Holidays!!

I ceased celebrating holidays long ago.  But in honor of this holy week, I have decided to write a bit on religion.

First off, let me just state the obvious.

All religions are the exact same shit.  Basically, you believe in an often ridiculous set of myths that answer tough questions, such as why we die, what happens when we die, and why shit happens in general.  Why are we here, where did we come from, and so on.  In essence, the kinds of questions that do not have any good answers, because, well, they SHOULD NOT have any good answers.

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So, the two major holidays are passover, for the jews, and easter, for the jews.  No, there are no typos on this page.  But Tobas, hang on a second, are you trying to call a christian, a jew?  Aren’t they different?  I mean, cmon Tobas, these two have been at odds for centuries, look at the history, you can’t possibly call them the same thing, thats ridiculous…erm, care to explain?

Why certainly my confused reader.

See, basically, the jewish myth book, the torah, and the christian myth book, the bible, are the same thing.  Same people, same stories, same god.  The major difference being the whole jesus bit.  But, the jesus bit is fulfillment of a jewish prophecy….soooooo, if you believe in the whole jesus is god thing, and you buy the whole jehovah bit, welllll, like it or lump it, it makes you a jew, except you put a period at the end of your sentence, where the non-jesus jews kinda just leave a semi-colon, for some other dude who comes along and makes a better case for the whole messiah thing.  There have been a few, I believe the latest being some old rabbi that the curly fries worship in canarssie.

The “old” testament, is rather simple when you look at it, lets do the best cliffs notes ever, shall we?

Ok, god makes everything, god kills a bunch of people and contradicts “him”self massively several times, god promises several very perverted long-lived man more descendants than stars in the sky.  (in fact, he makes the very same promise twice in row, to two different people, I know abraham was one, I cannot remember the other), god gets into pissing match with satan, poor job never knew what hit him, god dangles stuff in front of peoples faces, and smites them when they do what feels right, god wipes out more people than an asteroid strike, egyptians get pwned, jews run around in a desert for a long time. The end.

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Alright, everybody get that?  Good.  Jesus time.

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Mary follows a long line of greek women by getting knocked up almighty style (zeus was a pro at this, often going beastial on the bitches, hova might have taken some pointers along these lines).  Jesus is born and immediately pisses off some local muckity muck, who wants him dead.  Jesus flees the draft,(oops sorry, that was clinton), eh hem, Jesus does a bunch of stuff that no holy roller ever wants to hear about (have a life?  get laid?  no one knows, but Im guessing he did both).  Jesus becomes the life of the party at a wedding by getting everyone piss drunk on his tab*1)Jesus throws some pigs off a cliff, Jesus plays a jackass sized prank on everyone and brings his buddy “back to life”, Jesus tries to lead the revolution against the ruling romans, Jesus gets sold out, romans pwn Jesus.  The end.

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Look people, the political climate at the time in Israel was tense.  The romans ruled, and the jewish tribes did not like this one bit.  There were many “messiahs”, and their job was to lead the jews out of this roman oppression.  The big problem was that the jews had some trouble working together, as their beliefs might have been primarily the same, but the differences were enough to cause much bloodshed, and consequently, blood feuds that lasted generations.  Books like the torah were designed to squash these differences and unite them (does any of this sound familiar?  It should, those medievel morons are still doing it all over the middle east, and sadly, we have many even here who cant get over their old stupid beliefs that aren’t even in their heritage, at least those are “their” gods over there*2)  Jesus was a politician, his “turn the other cheek” line for example, was a call for the jews to cease their infighting, and unite against a common enemy, in this case, the romans.  Why did the jews of the time turn against jesus at the end?  Simple, because he failed.  His brother James was a worthy successor, and it was James’s bunch that ultimately paid the high price at the fortress of Masada, where the futile jewish rebellion was crushed unmercifully.

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*1 it is easy to swallow the story as Jesus being a poor carpenter, but think about this for a moment.  A wedding with as many people as the one Jesus and Mary were said to attend was a very high profile one.  A few hundred people now is a small gathering, at the time, it was a party thrown by very wealthy folk.  If you got an invite, you had some serious juice.  This leads me to believe that Mary and co. no doubt had some serious ties to the local ruling curly fries, and consequently, was not hardly as poor as is commonly believed. 

*2 I find most church-goers to be a ridiculous hypocritical bunch.  But the saddest of all, is when I see the ultra-religious black people, and hispanic people (by hispanic, I mean the folk who built awesome temples, worshipped eagles, and ripped hearts out before my people sailed over and basically shut down their entire existence).  The africans had wonderful religions, filled with ancestor worship, and colorful stories.  Even today, you can still see some parts of this in the serenghetti, where the “christian aid” folk haven’t polluted the people with their food in one hand and bible in the other tricks.  Religious blacks are just walking, talking sellouts.  Christianity is the religion of whitey, of the oppressor.  It was forced upon them, on pain of death, and threat of damnation.  There is no more demeaning thing than to have your beliefs, and those of your heritage and culture destroyed, and debased.  The blacks in america have let that happen, and it is an absolute disgrace.

The hispanics are even worse I think.  I take it rather personally because I know there were some ancestors of mine responsible for this.  They built temples, roads, they had education.  They had fine civilizations, and myths, and gods, and culture.  Yet, walk up to any hispanic person you see on the street, and tell them Jesus is the tool of whitey.  They might try and kill you.  It’s funny, the same way black people in america have names like tyrone, and rodney, and we think of them as “black” names, the hispanic folks have names like pedro, and jose.  The spainards gave them new names, “regular” names, so in other words, no more “flying jaguar paw”, you are now Juan.  So now, people call them “spanish people” names.  Oh how Montezuma would have howled.

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Let me re-iterate.  There is nothing positive about Judeo/Christian mythology.  Yes, you heard me.  NOTHING.  The little good anyone can squeeze from words of scripture, is far outweighed by the convoluted beliefs and instructions contained within.  Don’t believe me?  Well, find a bible, sit down, and read a chapter called “Deuteronomy”.  If the bible is the word of god, and god is infallible, well, we are all fucked real bad. 

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By the way, do any of you actually know what leprosy really is??  Jesus was alleged to have cured many “lepers”, that according to scripture, did not have leprosy at all.  Leprosy just means you cant feel anything.  Thats it.  People dont “lose” limbs or anything from getting it, they just sometimes break bones so much their bodies re-absorb the bone itself, but since you cant tell from pain, its tough to catch, therefore, you whack yourself, and you dont even know it.  It is believed to be transmitted by the texas armadillo.  I shit you not. 

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Ok, well that was a fun little jaunt into the land of logic and education, wasn’t it?  Now go eat some cream eggs and matzoh you backwards jackasses.

Don’t even get me started on the “easter bunny”.  hahaha.

(side note:  ever hear anyone tell you god will strike you dead?  tell me, what is your first reaction?  yup, you look up for that bolt of lightning.  hmmm, does that remind you of anyone?  sure it does, zeus, who was king over the other gods at olympus was the thunder god, and subsequently the model for the hebrew god yahweh, who was one of many gods in the hebrew pantheon.  “let us make man, in our image”  you dont think hov was using the “royal we” do ya?  Ironically enough, many renaissance artists used ancient greek depictions of zeus to create the physical image of the god of the jews.)

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Live it, Love it, (nail it)

-Tobas

The forever smile.

My days are kinda black you see,
Joyous life eluded me,
These days are wrapped in misery,
Happiness, a mystery,

Sleep so rare I can’t believe,
Bed too big to fall asleep,
On the wrong side perpetually,
I wake up so woefully,

Wheres my smile?
Hidden within,
Wheres thats smile?
Red and thin,

In the night they come to visit,
Demon clowns and friends of mine,
I can never tell the difference,
Make me smile all the time,

Paralyzed with fear this body,
Steadily approach the bed,
Knife is sharp, grin is steady,
My smiles ready, dripping red,

Wheres that smile gone my baby?
Take from me all that I have,
Oh my baby come and visit,
Sit down here, and stay a while,

Little baby, go and leave me,
Just please, dont you forget my smile.

Doh.

Eh, it appears I spoke too soon.  The transcript will have to wait another week or so due to the audio not being available in full.  Have no fear, in the meantime there are a few other things I am working on. 

So, there will be some updates pertaining to other matters.  For now, we wait.

-Tobas