Monthly Archives: February 2007

Reason eludes me.

I walked out from an office today, and the whole world looked so bright,  and I wondered, my god, what is all of this?

I was moving, and I did not move at all, and for a moment I felt the sensation of hurtling through the void at thousands of miles an hour.  Vertigo gripped me, and I staggered drunkenly, feeling infinitely small.

My own fragility momentarily revulsed me, and I imagined a thousand ways to meet demise.  One false move, and pressure will take my life.  Which I question regardless, I am still not yet convinced of its validity.

Is this all really necessary? 

I saw a piled skulls on the science channel, and I put faces on them.  Living breathing faces, that could not conceive of this meaningless pile their cranial shells would one day lie atop.

And so, I am a person, and so were they.

Just another skull atop the pile.

Live it, Love it  (while you can)



Alright then, to satisfy the gods of technorati, I shall provide a prodigious update.

Well no, maybe just a song, since I have spent most of the day singing.

Yes, a song it is.

Six Degrees of separation

All those other times, asking many questions,
Phone calls back and forth changing my direction,
I dont need to know the reasons, now,
Nevermind the why, I’m asking how,

What does a promise mean when living is on order,
And, I don’t want anything but what you said,

Where do these words lead me, nowhere but disorder now,
Once I lived to hear them, now I would rather be dead,

So close to me, almost inside,
Sugar dripping down your thighs,
I bend my head to take a taste,
Side to side not one to waste,
Closer still, almost the middle,
Tongue flexing to make my point,
Play your nerves just, like, a, fiddle…

Memories of bedtimes past, haunt me still even today,
Close, my, eyes,

Far away,
Far away,
Far away,

I blinked, and all those years,
went away,

Now and then, I will come visit,
Dormitory looming near,
Not inside, I feel your prescence,

But not right now my dear,
I have company,
You see,

I have company,
so please,

Go away my love, let me be,
But don’t, please don’t,

Give up, on me,

I gave up,
oh I gave up,
baby when I saw you go,

I gave up,
baby I gave up,
so now I’m dead to you instead,

So, have, some, respect for the dead,

And, let, me, go…

This is done, so done,


You better act…… like you know.



You like?

Jenny Owen Youngs: Show Review. (or, my drunken night with Jenny)

I promised a show review, so a show review I shall write.

Let me begin this by saying two things, one, I was piss drunk before, after, and during the show, and two, catching a cab by penn station on a thursday night when the temperature is in single digits is near impossible and should not be attempted under any circumstances.  Were I a wiser man, I would have listened to mia and ran right to the subway, which after a full lap around MSG, we did.  Anyway,

I suppose I should start at the beginning.  We left mia’s shortly after 6pm, lucky for me, I remembered that neither of us had brought a camera, and we turned around and fetched her camera before stopping for a six of corona.  Beer in hand, we boarded the LIRR from floral park.  By the time we pulled up to penn, I was already “happy”.  I wont go over getting downtown again, but it was cold, and annoying.

We arrived at Mo Pitkins shortly after 9pm, downstairs it is a small, regular looking bar.  We headed towards the stairs over to the side, and found our way through a door that led to a man with thick black glasses who stamped our wrists with a “confidential” mark, making us feel cool and exclusive.  Looking around, I did notice that we were very much in our own little world, as the others were grouped together and looked far more in their element than we did.

Despite this, when the door to the other room was opened, we immediately grabbed the seats at the far end of the long tables closest to the stage.  I literally sat two feet from Jenny.

We drank our drinks, and watched the others file in.  It wasn’t long before the band was tuning up and Jenny came out on stage, dressed in blue jeans and a pink button-up shirt with blue stripes. 

She was very confident on stage, singing and making jokes in between the songs, which were quite funny.  I was not nearly as composed.  At one point, after she sang a song with Bess Rogers, another singer who was sitting at the table behind us, I decided to make mia’s day.  Mia had mentioned to me that Bess had sent her a myspace message telling her that she enjoyed some of her stuff, so, being a drunk idiot, I took this as my cue to greet Bess and introduce her to Mia as if she should know who that was.

Tobas:  “Bess Rogers, this is Mia Costa!”

Bess: “Oh, hi there.”

Tobas: “Bess Rogers, this IS, MIA COSTA!”

Bess: “Erm, nice to meet you.”

Tobas: “Bess Ro-

(At this point, Mia quietly, but furiously whispered in my ear “I fucking HATE you.”)

I then turned around and tried to ignore her eyes burning holes through my scapula.  Lucky for me, Jenny had already begun singing her next song and like the others, it was very, very good.  My personal favorites were “fuck was I”, and her cover of “hot in here” by nelly.  Sadly, she did not sing her Kelly Clarkson cover, or my favorite tune off her LP, “voice on tape”, but I know I will be seeing her again in concert, so I am sure I will have the opportunity to loudly request it.

Her voice was crisp and beautiful, her band was in tune and provided adequate backup vocals, the highlight of which were the wonderwall lyrics sung during the nelly cover.  It was fun and sounded great.  

The biggest complaint I could offer was the length.  I wish it was a longer set, the girl is just a pleasure to listen to. 

But, I was not done making an ass out of myself.

After the set was over, Jenny came down off the short stage, and began chatting with the fans, and since we were basically right in front of her face, we were the first ones to have some chit-chat with her, it was at this point that I regretted my decision to drink heavily very much.  I would have loved to talk to her about her music, and her career, and asked her coherent questions, instead, a mortified mia looked on as I babbled my nonsense to her hero.  Here we are then, my talk with Ms. Youngs, somewhat verbatim,

Jenny:  “Hi there”

Tobas: “Hi, I’m Tobash!  From  I loved your show, I love your mushic!”

Jenny: “Oh thank you, yes, you sent me a message on myspace?”

(In my drunken mind, I swelled, thinking, haha!  she remembers me!)

Tobas: “Yes, yes, I do interbiews on my site, well, no, I haven’t yet, but I want to interbiew you, that would be great.”

Jenny: “Yeah, my myspace is filtered, it doesn’t go through me, someone else gets all that.”

Tobas: “Oh, ok”  (quickly deflated)

Jenny: “Sure, an interview sounds cool, of course I would do it.”

(I quickly turned to look at mia, whose jaw had dropped, no doubt expecting a different respose, for that matter, mine had as well)

Tobas: “Wow, great, yeah, I wanna ashk you shome queshtions.”

Jenny: “Wait, what, you mean, like an interview right now? ::little nervous laugh::”

Tobas: “Oh, um, no, no, at shome point in the fusure ::even more nervous drunken gaffaw::”

(Please note that she was much nicer than she any right to be, considering my wide-eyed, drunken stalkerish stare, I have a feeling that if I wasn’t with my pretty girlfriend, things may have gone a bit differently.  But the girl is very down to earth, none of that uppity nonsense you get from these other folksy girl singers, hah)

The rest is a blur, because once I realized I pretty much blew it completely, I turned around and began drinking my beer with a vengence. 

She turned around and moved on to the other tables, and we left. 

I don’t remember too much after that, I can recall sadly eating a big mac in penn station, and then waking up with a headache that made decapitation seem like a sensible option.

Overall, it was an amazing experience, and the truth of the matter is, I wouldn’t have done it any other way.  Am I going to get an interview?  Probably not, but it was fun as hell.

I highly recommend going to see Jenny Owen Youngs, or even just listening to her music if you can get it.

So, thank you Mia Costa, for being an awesome girlfriend, and somewhat a good sport, thank you Jenny Owen Youngs for being a sweet vocalist and entertaining me, and finally, thank you alcohol, for making me feel warm despite my lack of clothing, and for allowing me to make a collossal fool out of myself.   

(Side note:  This is being posted under Tobas True Hollywood stories, she may not be worldwide, but shes more famous than you! foooo!)

Live it, Love it (Drink it!)



For the life of me, I cannot come up with a humorous and clever way of relaying the tale of the meeting at the hospital.

So, suffice it to say, I, with my girlfriend in tow, sat with her (ex-wife), with her boyfriend in tow.  We ate some food, drank some coffee and generally acted like civil adults do.  Which, given my level of maturity, is quite a feat.  This interaction was encouraging enough for me to accept a dinner invitation this saturday in which we will all sit and eat once again, outside of the confines of a hospital room, and a sick child.

Basically, we will have free reign to act as the asshole we may, or may not be.  But, I will say this, first impressions are quite important, and a good one seems to go a long way.  In that regard, it appears we are some steps ahead of the game, for the first impressions were somewhat encouraging.

I am not blind.  I can see that it would be more beneficial for my child if I got along with the people who are in his life, even if I wish it did not have to be so. 

In that respect, this is more about looking out for his mental well being, than, being the “bigger person” per say, even though there has been no real hostility towards my girlfriend in this matter anyway.  It is better to build bridges, than to make fences, especially in this case I think, so, I will take my one hundred and eighty degree turn, and enter this interaction with as open a mind as I can muster.

I suppose I can relay my feelings on the matter without mentioning names, and besides, most of my loyal readers know the characters involved anyway.  It seems, that my hip-hoppy assumptions may have been a bit off the mark. 

All in all, the guy seemed like a decent fellow, again, this is from a first impression, under some duress, and little sleep mind you.  Then again, it didn’t hurt to have my support system in place there as well, I am reasonably certain it would have been much harder to handle had I not someone by my side like how I have to prop me up, and lend me strength when I had none left.

But we both agreed, there was nothing not to like, and so, we shall venture forth this saturday and have some asian cuisine.  I need to be okay with all of this, my son deserves at least that much.  I have already failed him enough, but now, maybe I can stop the cycle of change, and give him some sort of familiarity, and stability, and peace.  So with that in mind, I will do my very best to show that boy that daddys friend, is daddys friend, just like he heard, and that we did not lie to him.

In the end, those boys will be all I have, and I know I have a lot of making up to do. 

We never stop growing up, if we’re lucky.

Live it, Love it, (Accept it)



Short break while I recover from these past few hellish days.  This has been an interesting, scary, and eye opening sequence of events.  So, of course, a story will follow, but, in order to protect the innocent (snort), Events will be relayed in a metaphorical sense.

So, once I am fully rested and reasonably certain everyone, and everything is in order, I will be presenting, The council of Elrond!

Take that Peter Jackson, you bloated greedy piece of crap.

Live it….Lo….




For those of you paying attention, you may notice a slight editing job taking place on the site.  Unfortunately, these things are beyond my control, and I am being forced to comply in a nice way. 

Danielle Saga is cancelled until further notice as well. 

It’s unfortunate that I cannot write about a chapter in my life that has pretty much defined it up until this point.  But I cannot cure the paranoia of others, so, until I can find a way to ensure I will not be angering anyone, or potentially being taken to court, the most pivotal chapter in my life must remain under wraps.

It’s a pity, because there were some wonderful pictures of the boys, and my wedding that I wanted to share, because no matter how it ended, it really was a beautiful story.

Anyway, there are plenty of other fun things to write about, which I will be doing.  But that would have been like therapy.  Oh well.

More later.

Live it, Love it (But dont you dare write about it)