Now, I am grateful for this comment, so much so, that I felt the need to openly address it.
funny, these comments don’t seem to be landing where they belong.
eh, no matter, I gladly allowed this comment, because this is a concern of mine too, so this is a fine opportunity to address this.
lets address the most important thing first, and bear in mind, I am being objective here, outside of a relationship, and marriage.
“but still, you’re better off, all of you.”
Perhaps we, as adults are better off, and perhaps we have both found ways to genuinely be happy with others, which can be a wonderful thing. But, all of us? You may as well finish that statement with, “and besides, you aren’t that good of a father to them anyhow.” No, see, those two boys are far from better off, and again, this is being completely objective, I would say that about any boy who loved and needed his father, he is never better off with his daddy far away. Ask them in ten years if they would have rather had their father if they could have, and see what their answer is.
Now, on to the next important statement.
“have you ever considered that your “till *death* do you part”/”how dare she not want me anymore” rants are hypocritical?”
No, not at all actually, because I would say, “how dare she not want me”, if she were some ex-girlfriend, or even ex-fiance. But the fact is, despite my state now, I was rejected, and after a statement like ’til death do us part’, well, that is a bit fucking unacceptable, and happy or no, I am not going to get over that, I will remember that as long as I live, because apparently, thats what I promised to do. So yes, am I happy? Sure. Am I going to forget that I mortgaged my future on a person who threw me away like a rotten banana peel, especially after putting myself aside to not only take care of her, but her extended family? No, never, that isn’t a slap in the face, that’s a stomp on my skull.
Ok, moving on.
” ..you are currently coming off as bitter, and sorta.. well, ungrateful and obsessive about the past.”
**I am? Good. Because I am bitter, very. And you would be too if you were me. And ungrateful? I’m wracking my brain, really, to try and think about the things I should be grateful for. Lets see, I could be grateful that in almost six years of marriage, we actually lived alone, as a married couple for maybe, maybe, three or four months, that might be overshooting it though. I could be grateful that instead of finishing my college career, and getting a better job, I took work that was below my potential in order to drive around wives, sons, mothers and brothers, the latter two not being my own. I could be grateful that when I was told that we should be divorced by her, a few years in, with no bad behavior on my part as of yet (oh, I’m sorry, it was only “research”), I did not go and run out to find someone new to fall in love with and be with, I was angry, and I felt betrayed, and upset, but I stood my ground, because thats what a marriage is all about. But when I do the same, bye, bye me, hello disposable income (Im not saying he is “rich” per say, at all, but there is obviously much more disposable income for things). So yes, should I be grateful for that level of loyalty? Oh, maybe I should be grateful that when it was painfully obvious that I was giving her everything because that is what I always did, give her everything I was, she turned around, took it, and never looked back. And even when I cried, and she saw me suffer, so soon after we were no longer together, she still turned her back, and watched me suffer. Of course, you could say, “well John, you weren’t together anymore, it wasn’t her problem” And you would be right, but I ask, should I be grateful for that level of indifference? And finally, those boys. I only ever wanted to tuck those kids into bed everynight, and be their dad everyday, do you think that factored in when I would have done anything to make things right? No, not when trips to the tropics were on cue. Oh, but what about before, when I would come home past eleven from work, and the kids would already be sleeping? Do you think I really wanted to work like that? I had no choice, in order to provide a ride to work, take the boy to school, and be with him all day, I had to. If I knew I was going to be ditched as I was, do you really think I would have done things like that? Fuck no, I would have worked how I liked, and told her, find your own way, I’m gonna be home for dinner, and then I’m going to read a bedtime story.
**Reader, bear in mind that I replied to that quote as if the implication were that I was ungrateful about my past, and not about what I currently have. In response to that I say, bollocks, I am plenty grateful, and I do not even feel the need to address that aspect, I think I have done plenty to show how grateful I am**
Whew, ok. I need a breather, one last point here.
“people forced to stay together for the children” vs. “a *healthy* divorce, and then still taking care of their children because THAT is what matters.” … you really dont see which is the better choice there?
Good point my anonymous friend, but lets delve into that a bit, shall we? First things first. Divorce is never healthy, that is like saying, “well jimmy, you could have some chemo, but wouldn’t you rather have a healthy tumor lodged in your cranium?” As far as I can see, when children don’t have a mommy and daddy there everyday, to provide love, and role models, they become emotionally stunted, and will end up miserable divorced fucks like yourselves. Don’t believe me? Check the numbers on it. And as far as being “forced” to stay together, well, isn’t that kinda the fucking point? I don’t know how many weddings you have been to, but last time I checked it equaled some kind of lifetime commitment. I suppose if people started exchanging cracker jack rings instead you might have a point there. So yeah, better choice, lets see, honor your commitments, be a full time parent, or show your children that mistrust and disappointment begin at home, and that love and marriage only go as far as you can tolerate. So is setting that kind of example really a better choice? Do I even have to answer that question?
Look, please understand, I am being completely objective, about my own situation, which is incredibly hard to do, I know. But I cannot help feeling in certain ways about things, and I know that time will heal things properly, but for now, I have these things shoved in my face, and it is still hard to grasp just how much of me was trashed, for nothing. So, every now and then, I have to spit out this terrible venom that builds up inside of me. If I were truly “obsessive”, there would be many more options available to me, as it is, I just need to vent.
Thank you for your concern.