Dr. Oh no.

I’m getting the feeling that my “cyrano” section wont be lighting up until I get a bit more exposure, and that will happen soon enough.

After of night of offering relationship advice to an old, married, and miserable friend (read: run, now, fast), I felt the urge to go and preach to the men of the world, and tell them to run for their lives.  But then common sense overtook me and I realized how ridiculous that sounded.  I ended it off with him plain and simple, here is what I said, verbatim,

“If you only take one thing out of everything I have talked to you about today, take this; Do not, under any circumstances, make children.  You may get a divorce, and you may get screwed like we all do, but at least you can still make a life for yourself, and you can save yourself the heartache of feeling like a shitty parent.  Trust me, there is no greater pain than realizing you are not good enough as a father, or husband to be given a decent shot at it.”

This was after learning that he and his wife lived in an apartment in her parents house.  I know a little bit about having in-laws live with you.  Try to imagine your relationship as a crystal clear, healthy lake, full of fish and wildlife.  A house full of others is basically like adding cyanide into the ecosystem.  Everything just dies, it doesn’t even stand a chance.

I explained that life is indeed horribly unfair.  And that no matter what he did, or how many sacrifices he made, in the end he would most likely be hung out to dry.  This guy knows a bit about sacrifice, he had to fight an entire contingent of angry jehovah witnesses to date the girl in the first place.  Bear in mind, these jehovahs were led by the girls father.  And I think I have it bad…

I think my advice was appropriate for the situtation, in this case.  But, I think it is a very poor idea, if you are a man, to ask me for relationship advice.  Especially if you are looking for positive reinforcement.

I am not afraid to be in a relationship, and be a bitter, cynical fucker like I am.  I have every right to be angry and resentful, despite satisfaction in other areas.  I can still be an idealist, and in many ways I am (anyone who knows the whole story should know just how much of an idealist I currently am).  My old friend said something to me tonight, that felt so poignant, and true.

He was telling me how he and his wife (then fiance) broke up in his junior year in college, for a year.  “It’s always when you are ready to forget them, that they call you back.”

So he was moving on, and she pulled him back in.  And now look, he looks stressed, tense, and frankly, unhappy. 

I realized that this may not be what he wanted to hear.  But I think he may have needed to hear it.

I wasn’t kidding.  I said, the next person I am with better be someone I will be truly spending the rest of my life with, and although I am still full of cynical venom, and in possession of a somewhat ‘wait and see’ attitude, I am more than willing to see it through, whether the end lie in a grave, or a tearful breakup.  Obviously, I would prefer a grave.  In either case.

I have already had one person lie to me when they said they wanted to spend the rest of their life with me, I’m not certain I could survive that twice.  That is something like killing a person, it is not death, but it is a partial murder.  The people who have to endure that level of rejection, and can carry on, I have much respect for.  I may have poked fun at it in the past, but once you have been invalidated to that degree, it tends to change your perception quite a bit.

It’s a funny thing.  I get accused of beginning the separationdivorce process, and deservedly so.  I did, but that is where logic failed me completely.  Like she had done to me years ago, I thought it was merely an extreme sign of my displeasure at our current circumstances.  I suppose I never really intended on following through.  I knew deep down, that if that really did happen, I would no longer be able to be the father I was then, and besides, I really just needed a breather from the madness.  I got that breather, and now I have all the air I can take in.

It made me realize, that all along, she really just needed an out, and I gave it to her.  Not only that, I gave her every penny I had and could have had. 

Lucky for me, I am hardly done collecting pennies.

The best way I can describe my experience is like this, and I used this analogy tonight,

” Imagine you are a stuntman, and you are on the roof of the nakatomi tower, getting ready to play hans gruber in the last scene in die hard.  You have practiced this a million times, and you are certain you know how it is supposed to go.  So the director yells action, and you slip off the watch, and fall forty stories down.  There was an air cushion every, single, time.  But this time, the last thing you see is the pavement rushing up to say hello, and the last thing you think, is ‘how could they do this to me, after all this time, they forgot?’  ”

And then splat, and in the next scene, some cinnamon blob is falling comfortably in the cushion you should have had.

I think my analogies shook him a bit.  I know they tend to get annoying, but sometimes it is only because they hit the spot so well.

Poor bastard.  I’ll take full responsibility when he ends up at the bachelor springs condos.  I got the cure for that affliction. 

For a guy who has never had any “gay” experience, I’ve sure taken it up the ass a lot.  I guess that’s why I’ve never been “curious”, I already know how much that shit hurts.

 

Ok, done ranting, please bookmark me, the link is on the side, at delicious.  It would actually help me quite a bit. 

Thank you for reading.

One reply

  1. ! says:

    Okay, I tried to bookmark you, but this delicious thing is far too prying. It not only requires you to make an account, which I did, but install buttons into your toolbar, and do all these fancy things to boomark a page. This is the Age of No Effort; good luck getting boomarked.

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