Time Bomb.

::Lesson for the day::

This is an important lesson I learned early on in my sexual education, I just thought I would share it with the rest of you.

 

In my seventeenth year, I was still a virgin.  I had several opportunites, but had either been too scared to go through with it, or the timing had been off.  At any rate, I found myself one spring day, with a rare opportunity to solve this problem of mine.  I had started seeing a girl by the name of Mary Beth.  We were of the same age, but she was way more experienced than I was, and she proved this to me by one day deciding to give me head without any prompting on my part.  I was floored by this, as I was used to the typical wheedling/selling that most guys had to do at that age to get a blowjob. 

“Only for a second…C’mon…Oh god, I’m so horny, your mouth would feel so good on it…” and so on.  And of course, the whole time there would be a subtle pressure being exerted by your discretely placed hand behind her neck.  It was not as if she went right for it everytime we would fool around, but more often than not, she was the one doing the unzipping.

So one day, we are in her room, looking at a collage she had made.  Pictures of her friends are splattered all over this posterboard, and she is telling me who is who and such.  After a few minutes of this, we start fooling around and of course, before long my pants are down, and she is looking at me from between my jeans, and she moans, “oh god, I want you to fuck me.”  Both heads practically exploded at once.  But then she was kissing me again, and we both took a break, looking at her collage again.

All I wanted was to continue, but I could tell she felt like taking her time, and I knew I wasn’t about to ruin my chance to finally get laid by being pushy.  She began to slowly stroke me, and talked about her picture with her best guy friend, who looked slightly retarded to me.  Now, I had no idea this was her “best” guy friend, I found this out a bit too late.

She went back down to continue where we had left off, when I decided to state my observation, sounding innocent to my ears.  She immediately looked up, and stated her observation, “you’re an asshole”.

She got up, and threw something small and plastic in my face.  I sat there, my raging hard on still dripping with her saliva, holding a condom.  It was then that I realized she had stopped before to get a condom so we could fuck.  And I just thought she needed to pee and look at her pictures some more.

Needless to say, I did not get laid, and wound up apologizing profusely to no avail.

So, what did I take out of all of this?

1.  Stay the fuck away from girls with “best” guy friends.

2. If you absolutely must be with one of these ticking time bombs, don’t talk shit about the guy, at least not until you blow your nut stupid.

 

Chris Rock had it right.  If her best friend has a penis, then it’s the proverbial dick in a glass case.

Break in case of emergency.?

2 replies on “Time Bomb.”

  1. JEANETTE says:

    I don’t really have a comment at all… but in the midst of anonymous commentators I thought maybe it would be fun and and very untobasfanlike to actually sign my name to what I write. Just a suggestion.

  2. ~R~ says:

    I agree!

    As for this post.. man, thats harsh. you poked fun at a mentally challenged person, and she got offended. Why does that have to mean she was keeping him as an emergency penis? 😉
    ~Just wondering 🙂

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