And we now pause a moment for a word from our sponsor, my brain.


The future is always scary to the present.  I realized after a series of nightmares last night, that the only reason it was so frightening, was simply because of the massive amount of change involved.

I have never been good at adjusting to change, although, I think I am starting to get better at it.  It is as if the circumstances of my present relationship have forced me to open my eyes, and see things in a different light.  I had to change for this to work, there was no choice, none. 

Now, I only need to stop feeling sorry for people who clearly do not deserve my pity.  I mean, I felt bad for the croc hunter, but only because he was killed by a pussy ass stingray.  If a croc had dragged him under and ripped him to pieces, I wouldn’t have felt bad at all.  Simple, you play with crocs long enough, and sooner or later one is going to catch you.  I don’t think anyone would have been too surprised at those circumstances.

People are no different than crocs in many aspects.  If you date, or befriend crocs, sooner or later they will drag you under too.  So, if someone I care about chooses to do something like that knowingly, well, I need to let them do what they have to do.  I will feel bad if they get torn up, but, sigh, at this point, I don’t know.

I will feel bad, I already do.  God, it has turned so fucking dangerous.  Am I supposed to just sit back and watch the carnage?