So, for once in my life, I do not feel guilty.

Not anymore, I am pretty secure in the fact that at this point, I have done everything in my power to do the right thing.  I guess I just finally grew up in that respect.  I will be able to look my boys in the face, years down the road, and confidently tell them that I had done everything I could to try and be a father to them.  Lets face it, little boys need their daddies more than anything else.  I will be so sad, I am so sad.  But at least I can hold my head up high, and say that I put them first.

I really beat myself up for a long time, about this anyway.  I realize now, that it takes a big person to admit they were wrong about something so huge, and I realized shortly afterwards, it takes an even bigger person to understand that.

I know something about myself, I like when things are clear.  Black and white, but I can see the grey too.  It feels good to be the good guy.  It’s pretty clear.

Well, I’m still sad and disappointed, so in the end, I guess being the good guy isn’t all its cracked up to be.