So, for once in my life, I do not feel guilty.
Not anymore, I am pretty secure in the fact that at this point, I have done everything in my power to do the right thing. I guess I just finally grew up in that respect. I will be able to look my boys in the face, years down the road, and confidently tell them that I had done everything I could to try and be a father to them. Lets face it, little boys need their daddies more than anything else. I will be so sad, I am so sad. But at least I can hold my head up high, and say that I put them first.
I really beat myself up for a long time, about this anyway. I realize now, that it takes a big person to admit they were wrong about something so huge, and I realized shortly afterwards, it takes an even bigger person to understand that.
I know something about myself, I like when things are clear. Black and white, but I can see the grey too. It feels good to be the good guy. It’s pretty clear.
Well, I’m still sad and disappointed, so in the end, I guess being the good guy isn’t all its cracked up to be.