Imagine that, so happy to be rid of me that I get a good day, hooray!

Well, that makes me sure that I have made the right choice as well,

Ironic, isn’t it?

The only thing worse than not giving a shit, it pretending you give a shit when you really don’t.  If you don’t, then don’t, but acting like it is so important to have me around, and then happily dismissing me is a roundhouse sucker-punch.  It’s ok, though, it’s ok, see, I saw that one coming, which is why I stayed the course.  We all have choices to make in this life, whats for lunch, what to wear that day, things like that.  I was not aware, however, that who you love, was as easy as putting on a pair of pants, but isn’t that funny, you learn something new everyday.

See, apparently, you can say whatever you want to a person, deep, shallow, whatever, and then throw it out your window like a used condom. 

Tobas fun fact #5

People are disposable.  No matter how long, or how far, or what a person has endured for another, being fed up is perfectly acceptable criteria to watch them writhe in agony while standing there emotionless.  When someone, is too crazy, or too angry, or something about them does not suit you, it is perfect grounds to push them away without another thought.  Now, bear in mind good people, it does not matter who will suffer as a result, what is really important, is your own personal happiness.  I love to learn things.  Ah, as they say in bad old kung-fu pictures, ‘now student, become teacher’.  Now does anyone really have to wonder why it is so easy to lose the will to live?  This is a hopeless thing, if you can go that far, do that much, and make the deepest commitment to another person you can make, and then be told, ‘thanks, but that didn’t mean shit’, well, the future looks pretty damn grim after that.

All this fuss about not seeing the kids anymore, yes well, it all starts with having a place to put them.  Which brings me to todays math lesson.

If person A, makes a little more than four hundred dollars a week,

If person B, takes two hundred from person A every week,

How much does that leave person A with?

C’mon people, I know you can figure this one out,

Two hundred whole dollars!  Bingo! You get a free trip to the tent city I will call my home, with luxurious accomodations courtesy of big chief bill, who for the small price of a half pack of pall malls, will let you upgrade to the garbage bag suite, complete will urine jar and a pile of the softest leaves you ever did see!

Little more math for the remedial students,

two hundred, times four,

Ok, this is a toughy, so I’ll let you slide,

Eight hundred dollars!

Minus one sixty for car insurance,

Minus about one hundred in gas,

Leaves, drum roll please,

A whopping, five hundred and forty dollars!

Kinda tough to go back to school, live in a hellish place, and keep every other weekend open on that, huh?  Not to mention the wonderful feeling one gets from working in an emotionally draining job, knowing that half of what you do, you do for free.  And the best part, going home to be told how terrible you are, and how you are lucky to have a place to sleep.  Ok, now, don’t get me wrong, I can take quite a bit, I have, but there gets a point where enough is enough.  So, there we are, the prospect of no future, being beholden to a person that hates my guts, knowing that because I suck at life, my progeny will more than likely hate my guts as well, at the same time, dealing with a severely alcoholic family member, trying very hard not to turn into a severe alcoholic, and then, and then….being told you HAVE to.  Not can you, or will you, no.  You HAVE to.  NO, I don’t.

Some fuckups are small, like picking the wrong color dress for an occasion, or wearing socks with sandals (which I do), and then some are huge, and life-encompassing. 

Mine was clearly of the latter type.

It’s ok, you don’t care?  Well neither do I.

Good day!