Ok, so I promised.

Yes, I am a complete fuckup.  In many instances, completely useless.

Oh, I am a father? No.

I suppose I am not.

I was, I used to be, but that came with something,

Does anyone understand what it means to give?

To completely give what you are, to say to another person that

This is it, that this is the rest of your life?

That kind of love is hard to find, I know this.

Let me be drunk and stupid,

Let me not feel it,

Let me not understand it,

There is no other way,

Oh, that is not good enough,’

I am sorry,

I am so sorry,

That I said those words,

And that I meant them.

Did you mean them?


Why should I care, why, why, why?

If it means nothing, then it means nothing to me.

Do you see?

Am I blind, to something, I should be?

I am not,

I cannot,

I tried, to be, that person I should never be,

Slowly, but surely,

Burn me,

It is so hot right now,

Do you think this is always me?

Kills me, it kills me,


I wish it was over,

There was an end to those words,

There was a way out,

I should have never said them,

But I meant them,

So now I look for the way out,

The only way,

I follow the rules, I am here,

But I follow the rules,

Soon, you will not worry,

Soon, I will not matter,

I meant what I said,

And I said what I meant,

A me,

A me,

One hundred,

One hundred percent,

Please let them forget me,

A distant memory, procreation,

That I wish was not me,

I wish I was there, I wish I was what I should be,

Fuck up, so fucked up,

Not you,

Do any of you see?

I did not mean it this way,

Deserved better, than me,

I was so sure, that I was the one,

What a fool, I was.

So now wither fool, in a pit of your own making,

I did not mean it,

Does it even matter anymore?


I will try,

To die.

very hard.

Nice to have the means,

So sorry, no contact with me,

Off, I am off,

Disconnect me.


(Please god let me be successful)

You have no fucking idea.

No waking.